Friday, December 20, 2019

My Christmas letter to ya'll

Welcome to the almost annual Haugen Yule/Hanukkah/New Years Letter, where I update you on the family's arrests and goings-on without having to spend money mailing it and deciding who is worthy of receiving it. Do I send it to best friends, the type that will help you bury the body? Good friends? Average friends? People I know but don't really like? People who think I like them but I don't? Well, since you are reading this, you are a really super-good friend (as far you know).

I think on the Haugenometer the Year of 2019 was a stellar 8 out of 10. Amazonians gave it a 4.2 out of 5.

"It sizzled," one reviewer wrote.

So let's get right to it, youngest to oldest, dumbest to smartest, ugliest to prettiest:

* Huckleberry. The Basset Hound added to his limited skill set by teaching himself to pop the lids off empty Gatorade bottles. Might come in handy someday, but can't imagine when. He's still pretty stubborn, self-centered and worthless, except for comedic relief, cuteness and warmth when sitting on your lap (coincidentally pretty much what they say about me).

* Stanley. The Man celebrated his 10th birthday a couple weeks ago. Considering he was diagnosed with cancer two years ago and given 2 weeks to 2 years to live, he's doing well. Actually, very well since we got him on some anti-inflammatory pain-killers three months ago. He's spry as a pup and enjoys jogs, hikes and frankly anything with me (it's nice to be adored so).

* Luke. Junior surprised us all and graduated college. He surprised us even more by graduating a semester early (Dec. 14) and with a GPA approximately 1.0 points higher than his father. (So, yes, he graduated with a 5.0 GPA!) He majored in criminal justice with minors in international affairs and sociology. While taking a full load of internet classes, he spent five months (July-November) on an internship in Georgia where he served with the Secret Service detail for former President Carter. He's on his Christmas Card list even! (It's a lot classier than mine, but smells like boiled peanuts.) Now he's on the job search, not sure where he'll land but if I were a betting man I'd guess the D.C. area.

* Rylee. Fresh off a root canal a couple weeks ago, she is in her third year teaching science to seventh-graders in the bubbly town in Illinois. Hubby Stetson continues to pursue his PhD at the University of Illinois and has already begun enlightening young skulls full of mush there. We made our annual visit in October and had a great time, hitting the Illini-Michigan football game, bowling in the student union and perusing the Jane Adam's Bookstore. They still have their cat and are Green Bay Packer fans.

* Kirk. He and his wife, Julie, live in Minneapolis with their two boys, Cooper and Turner. He's having his best year ever as team leader at US Bank Stadium. We hope to see them in Miami in February. They have a dog and hate the Packers.

* Katie. As West River director for Rep. Dusty Johnson, she has his Rapid City office up and running very well. She will also be his statewide campaign director, as the two-year terms of congressmen allow for little rest on that front. Just when I was getting use to the 4 x 8 election signs taking up room in my garage, they will be gone soon. She continues to hang out in the Keystone area a lot and has taken an interest in gold mining.

* Nancy. Wifey had a great year. She found a job and boss she greatly enjoys at Nelson Chiropractic in RC. She is a certified Chiropractic Assistant now, so she can take care of the pain in the neck she causes me. I kid, I kid. For fun she enjoys riding the new Peloton bike I bought her for Christmas. She also enjoys live music and we hit everything from Neon Trees to Halestorm to Charley Pride. She managed a trip to Jacksonville to hang out with some relaticks and to visit Luke early on his southern stay.

* Me. Still working for The Whip and just finished my 15th year with the best boss ever, besides the time I was self-employed. Otherwise I mostly read, write and grow tomatoes. The tomato crop was average by my standards, but better than a lot of others I heard from, as crazy wet, cool weather wreaked havoc across the state. I published a novel recently. "Mustang Lang" is available in paperback and e-book form on Amazon. Check it out. Support struggling artists. Also, this Fall, I made a long-desired trip to Savannah, where Junior came over from Americus, GA, and we did the town for a long weekend. It was a great time.

For 2020, I foresee a late winter trip to Florida in our future. Not going this year made the winter excruciatingly long. Waiting to see where Luke lands as well, as that will be good for another road trip. Otherwise Nancy and I will be staying put for the most part with Stan and Huck and the rabbits, Hank and Waylon, and the nine fish. Our dog-sitter went off to college at MIT in Boston, so that hampers our travels as I antagonize the wife by not allowing my dogs to be kenneled. The moral to that story is to pick dumber dog sitters who don't go anywhere in life.

Here's hoping your 2020 is fun, happy, prosperous and safe. If it's not, keep it to yourself, because I'm really not interested in listening to other people's problems.

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