When we discussed purchasing her a year ago or so, I threw cold water on the idea. "The last thing we need is another gadget around the house," were I believe the words I used. But, as is often the case, rather than arguing about it, wifey wins said arguments by just going out and doing what she wants anyway. She bought Alexa.
And I actually enjoy it and use it a lot. I like the corny jokes she replies with when I say "good morning." I like that she will play whatever music I'm in the mood for, gives me scores of games, times of upcoming events, answers to trivia questions. She's like an easy Google.
On my lunch hours I have four songs I rattle off for her to play while I sing along chewing my peanut butter sandwich. Same songs, same meal, every day. It's how I roll.
The songs are:
"Last Thing I Needed First Thing This Morning" by Willie
"High Cost of Living" by Jamey Johnson
"Blues Man" by Hank
"Do Ya" by KT Oslin
Alexa plays them, I sing them loudly, the dogs howl along, the neighbors call the cops, and I go back to work a happy man. Five days a week for the past year. No questions asked.
Until this past Friday.
For some reason, Alexa decided to play KT Oslin's "You Can't Do That" instead. Does that sound like "Do Ya" to you? Doesn't to me either. It's not like I developed a lisp overnight. I didn't acquire a southern twang or a Boston accent she can't understand. Even without peanut butter in my mouth and with distinct innunciation Alexa refuses to play "Do Ya." I've asked in a several different ways, even had wifey ask. Alexa refuses. What happened? Did the song disappear? Did Alexa developing a hearing problem?
This bothers me to no end and has thrown my OCD life out of whack. It's now three songs, not four like it's supposed to be in a sane world. I'm a man without purpose, a lost soul stumbling back to work (which isn't helped by the usual off ramp I take being closed to construction). My concentration is off, focus is gone. I don't pay attention to speed limits (at least now I have a reason). I'm more susceptible to road rage. I'm grumpier than usual. And it's all because of this Alexa person's overnight refusal to listen to me.
I've taken to swearing at her. Hollering at her. Insulting her mother. Even tried saying "Please." But all to no avail.
All I want is my KT Oslin to sing in one of the sexiest voices in country music history: "Do ya still get a thrill when you see me coming up the hill, honey now do ya? Do you whisper my name just to bring a little bit of comfort to ya? Or do you lie awake thinkin' I'm the biggest mistake you ever made? Do you miss me when I'm gone, but sometimes wish I'd stay gone just a little bit longer? Honey, now do ya?"
The thrill is gone now. Come back KT, before I do something Alexa is gonna regret.
It's looking like a version of "Bubba Shot the Jukebox" is going to play out in this house unless she comes around. I'm sure it'll be in all the papers.
No comments:
Post a Comment