Twain as ag editor, funny stuff

I am friends with Mark Twain on Facebook (rumors of his death have been exaggerated) and today he excerpted a piece of his hilarious short story How I Edited an Ag Paper. Coincidentally, it's pretty much how I did it a few years back.

I tell you I have been in the editorial business going on fourteen years, and it is the first time I ever heard of a man's having to know anything in order to edit a newspaper.

You really should read it. It's one of my favorite Twain works, which is saying a lot.

Breaking News: South Dakotans can write

I'm a couple days late to this because I've been busy cleaning up Basset Hound puppy pee (his name is Huckleberry). But the Sioux Falls Argus Leader had a couple nice stories on Sunday regarding the literary renaissance in South Dakota.

Along with that, they found it in their heart to include moi' in a story on the e-publishing aspect of S.D. literary-ness.

Among the words of wisdom regarding Joshua's Ladder and Zoo Falls, respectively:

“It sat around for quite some time, and I decided that I was tired of rereading it all the time,” says Haugen, who found a company that allowed him to upload the book and publish printed copies on demand. “I don’t plan on getting rich with this method, but I like writing, and it’s not too fun to write something and just have it sitting there.”
...
“I’m kind of impatient, and I don’t handle rejection well,” Haugen says. “If I did this the old way, I’d have to send out 100 manuscripts and letters, and years could go by without a publisher ever bidding on it.”
...
“The Internet has evened the playing field,” Haugen says. “Unless you have a diet book or you’re Snookie, it’s hard to get a publisher behind you. ... If I can make a name as a regional writer, I’ve found my niche.”

Moral to story: Don't mess with Michael Jackson

I guess the New York Times is still around for the time being and published an interesting story on people using reviews on Amazon to sink a book. Granted the book is about Michael Jackson, and I don't think the world would be worse off if it missed another book on MJ's plastic surgery:

In “Untouchable: The Strange Life and Tragic Death of Michael Jackson,” Randall Sullivan writes that Jackson’s overuse of plastic surgery reduced his nose to little more than a pair of nostrils and that he died a virgin despite being married twice. These points in particular seem to infuriate the fans.

But it does show how perhaps the world could be deprived a good book just because a small group of Facebookers or Twitterers decide to go all Jack Reacher on its author.

The issue of attack reviews, though, has received little attention. The historian Orlando Figes was revealed in 2010 to be using Amazon to anonymously vilify his rivals and secretly praise himself. The crime writer R. J. Ellory was exposed for doing the same thing last fall. 

Attack reviews are hard to police. It is difficult, if not impossible, to detect the difference between an authentic critical review and an author malevolently trying to bring down a colleague, or organized assaults by fans. Amazon’s extensive rules on reviewing offer little guidance on what is permissible in negative reviews and what is not.

Here's the story in full: A Casualty on the Battlefield of Amazon Partisan Reviews

Cold outside, notey inside

** How long will Barnes & Noble last? Some say not too long.

** Seems raising sons is turning into a theme this week.

 ** Ordered this for my poli-sci/history major daughter: The Fall of the Berlin Wall, by William F. Buckley Jr.

 ** Here’s a fascinating little window into the working habits of one our most brilliant and prolific artists. It’s from Robert B. Weide’s 2011 PBS film Woody Allen: A Documentary. In the scene above, Allen shows us the machine he has used for sixty years, the only typewriter he has ever owned: an early fifties manual Olympia SM-3. “I bought this when I was sixteen,” Allen says. “It still works like a tank.”

"I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise."

-- Woody Allen

A few good men (not another Tom Cruise post)

Even if I get credit for nothing more than encouraging him to shower every couple days and to brush his teeth before bedtime, I'm pretty confident my 15-year-old boy is going to turn out okay.

The author of this piece, "Guns don't kill people - our sons do" in today's USA Today, is however worried in general about boys in our society and  making them into good, young men. Warren Farrell is author of Why Men Are the Way they Are. He is co-authoring a book with John Gray, titled Boys to Men. He notes, among other things:

For boys, the road to successful manhood has crumbled. In many boys' journey from a fatherless family to an almost all-female staff elementary school such as Sandy Hook, there is no constructive male role model.

Fortunately, my son is blessed with many constructive male role models, and in various ways every day I see how their maturity, manner and humor affect the way he carries himself.

There's my friend the forest ranger who has undertaken the role of his outdoor hunting guide and fisherman. My son doesn't just pay attention when he describes the subtleties of why the pheasants are most likely to fly up out of one direction over the other, but also picks up the more meaningful nuances of my friend: that he's on his church council, that he loves and respects his wife and daughter, that he has a soft spot for his dogs, and that one can speak softly and still command attention.

There's my boss, of whom my son can recite his favorite line regarding politics or sports: "Win with dignity, lose with grace."

There's the young priest who my son worships with, talks with and exchanges texts with on much deeper religious questions than I can offer an intelligent response to. He sees the devotion, the caring, and also the humor one can have while attending to the problems of others.

There's his uncle, a former Army Ranger, bronc rider and fireman. He sees in him a zest for life, a zeal for helping others, and a love of family and his boys.

While my son is not around each of these people every day, he is around one or more of them almost weekly. In the meantime, he also has a principal and  football coach he respects, male teachers he admires, friends' fathers who are good people, and good young role models from a nearby college we frequent.

I have noticed something else in my son, and it is that all of these people have helped him set a high bar for others who enter into his life. He has certain expectations of adults now, and when he runs across those who don't meet this standard, for whatever reason, he politely disregards them, and their words and actions don't carry much weight with him and later receive an eye-roll as he recounts to me the encounter. Already at his age, it seems he doesn't suffer fools lightly.

He is definitely blessed in ways some young men are not, through no fault of their own. If more young guys had even a fraction of the involvement of positive male role models he has, the world would be a better place. Perhaps Farrell's ideas are one way to attempt that.

I don't know what my son is going to be in the future. I'd say it ranges from FBI agent to priest, a pretty wide gamut. But whatever he becomes, he will be a good one because of all these fine men who will have helped make him a fine man.

As for me, frankly, all I need to do is stay out of the way, pat him on the back  ... and keep the refrigerator full.

Cruise lives up to high standards set by other good-looking men born July 3

Tom Cruise and I were both born on July 3. That means Cruise has more in common with me than he does with Jack Reacher. In the books, Reacher is 6-foot-5, 250 pounds and blonde. Cruise is 3-foot-8, 98 pounds and has red hair. So I didn't know how he was going to pull it off in the movie. But he did.

I was practically annoyed that Cruise was chosen for the part. It seemed almost obnoxious. My only sense that it might possibly, maybe, somehow work is that Jack Reacher author Lee Child seemed happy with it.  Of Cruise's relatively small stature, Child said, "With another actor you might get 100% of the height but only 90% of Reacher. With Tom, you'll get 100% of Reacher with 90% of the height."

And he did. I think it helped that they cast other vertically-challenged actors with Cruise, so his shortness wasn't obvious.

The movie did a good job of portraying Reacher. He was tough, had the photographic memory, and the good short quips. They didn't overdo the dialogue, which was good. They didn't quite get into the numbers thing as much with Reacher, where he practically does algebraic equations in his head, and he didn't get to sleep with the girl, like he usually does in the books. That was refreshing though, as I had my son and two nephews with me.

In the movie, Reacher is more the quiet tough-guy with the funny quip, where as in the books he is more bad-ass, sullen and alone.

As a book fan, I was relieved that they did a good job with the movie.

As a movie fan, I'm glad I went.

The Haugen Bibliotheca

I sit here and do nothing a lot. My great uncle Oscar Wika built the roll-top desk. It's a work of art. Secret compartments and all that jazz.

My personal Top 10 of 2012

I guess it's that time of year for annoying lists. Allow me to annoy you with my Top 10 list of 2012, without even a mention of the Vikings' victory over the Packers yesterday:

#10 – I bounced back from a sub-par 2011 running season, in which rumors emerged that I was over the hill. Seems reports of my death were exaggerated as I turned in faster times in the Hot Springs Firecracker 10K and the Heart of the Hills 10-miler.

#9 – Bought new basset hound puppy Huckleberry. He became Chester for one day, then back to Huck, which has stuck.

#8 – Had my best tomato crop since moving West River, proving that it ain’t a drought if your garden hose is long enough.

#7 – Went on father-son camping trip to Boulder River in Montana, accompanied by the life of our household, golden-lab Stanley.

#6 – Wifey was named full-time director of the SD School of Mines Newman Center and they broke ground on a multi-million-dollar church across the street from campus.

#5 - The State of South Dakota, in all its wisdom, saw fit to give a driver’s license to my 15-year-old son, Luke; and then me, in all my wisdom, bought a 1997 four-wheel-drive pickup for said kid.

#4 – Same kid turned in a good year in sports: Three dingers in baseball; undefeated basketball season, went out for football for first time, and was track conference champ in 300 hurdles and couple relays.

#3 – Beloved mini-wiener dog Ella died.  She taught me a valuable lesson: If you want people to leave you alone, pee whenever somebody tries to touch you.

#2 – Youngest daughter Rylee began her freshman year at South Dakota State University and loves it. New friends and new chapter in life.

#1 – Oldest daughter Katie got engaged to long-time boyfriend Jeff, who heeded my advice a couple years ago that: “Slow and steady wins the race.” He wins a beautiful, intelligent, independent-thinking 21-year-old girl. Good luck with that!

The on-deck pile ...

Looks like I have a busy winter ahead of me.

You should read this article ...

This is a very touching story by Ron Fournier of National Journal regarding him and his son and "two presidents." Well worth the time to read.

How Two Presidents Helped Me Deal With Love, Guilt, and Fatherhood

Guidance from Bill Clinton and George W. Bush taught the author how to accept and understand

 his son’s Asperger’s syndrome.

'Kill Shot' kills (original, I know)

Just finished Vince Flynn's Kill Shot - as good as all the rest. A review I read somewhere suggested that Flynn figures if one bad guy getting killed is good, then five bad guys getting killed is even better. Can't disagree with that.

There's an interesting interview with Flynn in Front Page Mag regarding politics in general and his newest novel, The Last Man.

Sunday linkage ...

** The Minneapolis Star-Tribune suggests 60 books for the Christmas shopping season - from fiction to biography to regional books.

** The Oregon Muse at Ace of Spades uses his Sunday book thread to feature "one of the most amazing content providers ever was this guy, novelist, poet, newspaper columnist, and playwright Don Marquis."

** Old friend and former coworker at the Argus Leader, Bob Keyes, writes for the Maine Telegram now. Today he features, "Caleb Mason, a book lover in Portland, starts publishing ebooks because they increase readers’ access." Good story, check it out.

J.R. took a good shot at life

After reading his obit in the LA Times and learning more about him, I'm pretty sure Larry Hagman is a dude I would've liked to hang out with.

For years, he was considered the unofficial mayor of Malibu, where he lived for decades in an oceanfront home. He often led impromptu ragtag parades on the sand while wearing outlandish costumes and flew a flag from his deck that declared “Vita Celebratio Est” — “Life is a celebration.”  

***

For 25 years, he observed “silent Sundays,” refusing to talk, a move he initially made to rest his voice. After giving up cigarettes, he often carried a hand-held fan to blow fumes back toward smokers.

In Malibu, he had long been known as an amiable eccentric who routinely pulled his wardrobe from a vast collection of costumes and hats. He shopped for groceries while wearing a yellow chicken suit and played Frisbee in a Robin Hood hat and karate robe.

Two oldies but goodies

I read two books this week by by two of my favorite authors. It simply served as a reminder of what separates the men from the boys. Dean Koontz and Lee Child being the men. I being, well, you get it.

Koontz's Hideway came out in 1992 when he was writing with the initial "R." and shows that he's been whacked out of his mind for quite some time. I gave it a 7-plus rating and deeply analyze it as: Spooky good. I didn't realize it was made into a movie in 1995 starring Jeff Goldblum and Alicia Silverstone. I'll have to check that out.

Do you realize the dude has written 105 novels? That's crazy. And these aren't the co-written things that James Patterson doles out. These are one-man, one-mind books. I'm glad he hasn't sold out like Patterson.

Then I finished another Child's Jack Reacher novel Without Fail, the seventh in the series, which unfortunately, I've gotten out of sequence but it doesn't seem to matter. It's another 7-plus rating, which is pretty high in my card catalog, because the highest I have recorded is a 9. OCD, sue me.

This was a used book I picked up somewhere. I got a kick out of the last page where the previous owner listed his name, address, home phone and cell phone number. I guess he was awfully concerned about getting the book returned to him if he lost it, but not so concerned that he couldn't sell. Or, now that I think of it, maybe he died and his kids liquidated. I should call his cell and find out.

Reacher's words to live by in this novel: "Hit them fast, hit them hard, and hit them a lot."

Next on the reading pile: Vince Flynn's Kill Shot.

The Zoo is open for reading

So here's the deal-ee-o. My third novel went live on Amazon last night. It's called Zoo Falls (see the monkey on the right, not the left). It is available in ebook form only, and only on Amazon, for the next 90 days. It's an exclusive deal they have, where anyone can buy the ebook for $2.99, or, if you are an Amazon Prime member, you can borrow the book for free. And that's a good deal even for the authors, as we get a little piece of that pie too.

Then, after 90 days, we can go crazy and do what our cold little hearts desire.

But don't think you can't get Zoo Falls if you are a rich iPad/iPod/iPhone user. There's an app for that! Get the Kindle app and download away.

As always, please leave reviews at Amazon. Unless you didn't like it, in which case you probably should check yourself into a mental hospital and worry about writing reviews later after the medication kicks in.

Zoo Falls - It won't make you smarter, but it'll make you laugh.

A sneak peak ...

Falling into the honey trap

The unfortunate and unfolding story of Gen. Petraeus reminded me of this story by Phillip Knightley of the top five victims of honey traps. 

Five lessons for would-be James Bonds and Bond girls

 -- and the men and women who would resist them.

Those who aim to perfect the art of the honey trap in the future, as well as those who seek to insulate themselves, would do well to learn from honey trap history. Of course, there are far too many stories -- too many dramas, too many rumpled bedsheets, rattled spouses, purloined letters, and ruined lives -- to do that history justice here. Yet one could begin with five famous stories and the lessons they offer for honey-trappers, and honey-trappees, everywhere.

Best reader feedback evah!

I was going to call this a humble brag, but, no, it's pretty much a straight-up brag. Sue me.

Arrived home this afternoon from pheasant hunting and the neighbor lady brought over a package that had accidentally been put in her mailbox. I opened it and it was a copy of my novel Joshua's Ladder. Odd, I thought. There was a note inside. It began:

"Mark, Damned if I didn't read your book cover to cover." 

So far, so good, I figured, but waited for the punch line: "Thanks for my first experience." 

Hmmm, that caught my attention. It continued: "Look inside the rear cover." 

So I did. Written inside the back cover was: "Famous signature. (His name was signed) 78 years old. The 1st and only book I've read cover to cover."

Then there was another note explaining why he returned the book: "I want someone else to read and enjoy." 

The guy is a WWII vet, survivor of the attack on Pearl Harbor. So, I think the moral of this story is that if you read only one book in your life, it should be Joshua's Ladder. Do it for your country!

Virgil Flowers rocks in 'Mad River'

Admittedly, I'm not much of a book reviewer. Who am I to tell Dean Koontz or John Sandford how to improve on a book that was better than anything I could write at this point?

 tend to stick with offering deep insights like: "It was good." Or: "It was really good." I do, however, keep a recipe book full of index cards of each book I've read, and I assign them ratings on a scale of 1-10 (original). To be more cutting edge I do add pluses or minuses when necessary.

Well, I just finished Sandford's Mad River, and it was great - an 8+. It was the 30th book of his I've read, so obviously I kind of like the guy's writing. One of the things I enjoy about them is the Minnesota settings and references to South Dakota. It hits closer to home when he references towns I've visited or streets and roads I've traveled. Fortunately, I haven't run across any of the deranged murders.

For some better, more insightful, reviews check out this Goodreads page.

You can run, but you'll only die tired

I have to admit, I like snipers, most snipers, not the D.C. sniper though. I like true-life stories about military snipers (Carlos Hathcock, Vasily Zaitsev of “Enemy at the Gates” fame, and Simo “The White Death” Hayha, who offed a confirmed 705 Ruskies in less than 100 days). I like fictional books featuring snipers: Stephen Hunter’s Bob Lee Swagger books. And I'm fascinated by current stories about snipers like this in Syria:

In Aleppo, people tread carefully. Signs hang off walls saying: “Beware — snipers!” People shout conversations across deserted streets. Throughout much of the city’s old quarter, at every small intersection and across every open space, people sprint. Like a deadly pinball arcade, snipers’ bullets ricochet through the narrow streets, bouncing off the walls and ground. Neighborhoods are made up of “sniper alleys.”

Since practically the beginning of the conflict, snipers have been one of the defining characteristics of the Syrian uprising. The opposition says the government first used them against peaceful anti-regime demonstrators in the uprising’s initial stages. But as the civil conflict has sharpened, both sides are employing the renegade sharpshooters. Maya Nasser, a correspondent for Iran’s Press TV, is thought to have been killed by a rebel sniper in Damascus.

It’s impossible to get a reliable count of the number of snipers in Aleppo, but all sides agree that there are more shooters than ever operating in the city. The opposition claims that the increase is due to an influx of foreign snipers fighting in support of the government troops.