Thursday, February 4, 2016

Bored? Then you're probably a boring person

So these dudes came up with a list of boring places in South Dakota. To do so, of course, they had to define "boring." It may or may not fit your idea.


I'm guessing the fine folks at RoadSnacks who compiled this list are young-uns, millennials, who think if your city doesn't have a Justin Bieber concert or nightclub with appearances by Afrojack then it is a boring city.

Here's their criteria for judging "boring."

% of Population Over 35 (higher is more boring) 

% of Married Household (higher is more boring) 

Average Age (higher is more boring) 

% of Households With Kids (higher is more boring) 

% of Households with People Over 65 (higher is more boring) 

Population density (lower is more boring) 

I'm guessing they find outdoor recreation, high school sports, and Christmas concerts boring. They prefer traffic, no kids, no old people and the single hook-up culture. Back in "the day" I might've agreed, but have grown a bit wiser. They probably will too.

That's fine. To each their own. But they've obviously never been to a small town bar packed shoulder to shoulder after a high school football game. Drunks at a rave got nothing on drunks at the Corner Bar. They've never been pheasant hunting. They've never been to a Winner-St. Thomas More baseball game where virtually every game is meaningful and comes down to the last at-bat. They've never golfed. They've never reeled in a walleye. They're not interested in history.

Here is their lame top 10 list. I've spent time in all of these towns, some more than others, and wasn't bored.

1 - Custer (They've obviously never read the sheriff's report in the Custer County Chronicle, fun times indeed. They carry torches and burn a giant wooden beetle every winter for goodness sake. Boring people don't do that.)

2 - Milbank (The birth place of American Legion baseball. What have you ever birthed?)

3 - Redfield (30-foot-tall pheasants that will kick your ass.)

4 - Winner (Jim Palmer would not have played baseball in a boring city.)

5 - Hot Springs (I guess if you find wild horses, war heroes and giant wooly mammoths boring, then ok.)

6 - Lead (Drive the streets of this town in December or January and I guarantee you won't be bored. Neutrinos and dark matter, boring? Sheldon Cooper thinks not.)

7 - Elk Point (okay, I'll give you this one)

8 - Chamberlain (Walleye will jump in your boat and spit in your eye.)

9 - Canton (The Wheel. Case closed.)

10 - Flandreau (No town with an Indian casino is boring.)

So if hunting, baseball, golf, fishing, history, sense of community and listening to the stories of our elders is boring, sign me up. I'll take boring any day. At least wave when you drive through, because we'll even wave back, maybe even use all our fingers.

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