Merry Christmas! We didn't mail Christmas cards again this year because I wasn't sure if the Postal Service would still be in business. Better safe than sorry. What I am sorry for is the previous 23 Christmases when we didn't send cards either. Ironically, we thus contributed to the demise of the Postal Service. You're welcome, FedEx!
I thought I'd give you the run-down on our fam just in case you don't have access to the internet and missed out on the headlines.
Wifey is doing well. We celebrated our 23rd(I think) anniversary this year. She's still whispering to ghosts and snoring real loudly. But I don't say much (if you count not saying much posting it on the internet). I've learned something these past few years. Best marital advice (and advice for raising daughters) comes from my son who says: "Just smile and wave, Dad. Smile and wave."
You probably saw our son Timmy - everywhere! Ol' #15. He finally got his big shot with the Broncos after they started the season 1-4. I've always told him that nobody likes a hot shot, like Aaron Rodgers or Tom Brady. Anybody can win games if they do their best from start to finish; the really good ones just give it their all in the final two minutes. Let the other team get overconfident, then crush their dreams. Speaking of crushed, how about those atheists? They seem really unhappy with Timmy for some reason. He's not too worried about them though, considering he's preoccupied with practically carrying the future of Christianity on his shoulder pads. They say there are no atheists in fox holes; well, there's none left in Colorado either.
Our daughters really kept us hopping this past year too. Kim announced her engagement on her reality show on television. Then we dumped a few million on her wedding and it lasted slightly longer than a Twins game. Heck, I've had hangovers that lasted longer. Critics say it was a meticulously planned publicity stunt, but between you and me, she ain't that smart.
As tough as Kim's year was, Lindsay's was even worse. As you know, she's been back on the nose candy, the gutter glitter, the wacky dust, the California corn flakes. And she got caught. She did a little rehab, but not enough to make the mean ol' judge happy. So she did some community service at the morgue. It was good for her, though she did have to pull out of her next big movie, Deep Throat, because of all this hullabaloo. Fear not, though, Hef came through and signed her up to be covergirl for Playboy. We're so proud. Whoda thought, our little girl from Parent Trap would go on to such success.
And some of the extended family had a little rough go of it too.
There's ol' Uncle Mo and his goofy hats. Mohammar's always been the rambunctious one, but this year really took the cake! Nothing like a little revolution to keep the ol' blood flowing. Again, the Colonel caused us more than a few gray hairs. How? Well, you try planning a funeral for that guy! He's dead. No, wait, he's been spotted in the desert. He's dead. No, he's back in Tripoli. I don't know how many ham salad sandwiches we ended up giving away to the Mission, but it was a lot. Finally, I said, "I'm not cooking another ham until I see his bloody corpse." When I finally did, those silly rebels said they buried his body in the middle of the dessert! Go figure. So now we've got an extra burial plot if someone wants one cheap.
Otherwise we've had a pretty good year:
* We taught the guinnea pig to holler "row."
* We have no Haugens on the America's Most Wanted list for the first time in seven years. Yes!
* Mother-in-law is staying out of our business as she joined the booming Occupy Mahjong movement.
Finally, thanks to all of you for the couple thousand downloads over at Smashwords.com and buying up all those copies of Joshua's Ladder.
Finally, really, may you have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
You probably saw our son Timmy - everywhere! Ol' #15. He finally got his big shot with the Broncos after they started the season 1-4. I've always told him that nobody likes a hot shot, like Aaron Rodgers or Tom Brady. Anybody can win games if they do their best from start to finish; the really good ones just give it their all in the final two minutes. Let the other team get overconfident, then crush their dreams. Speaking of crushed, how about those atheists? They seem really unhappy with Timmy for some reason. He's not too worried about them though, considering he's preoccupied with practically carrying the future of Christianity on his shoulder pads. They say there are no atheists in fox holes; well, there's none left in Colorado either.
Our daughters really kept us hopping this past year too. Kim announced her engagement on her reality show on television. Then we dumped a few million on her wedding and it lasted slightly longer than a Twins game. Heck, I've had hangovers that lasted longer. Critics say it was a meticulously planned publicity stunt, but between you and me, she ain't that smart.
As tough as Kim's year was, Lindsay's was even worse. As you know, she's been back on the nose candy, the gutter glitter, the wacky dust, the California corn flakes. And she got caught. She did a little rehab, but not enough to make the mean ol' judge happy. So she did some community service at the morgue. It was good for her, though she did have to pull out of her next big movie, Deep Throat, because of all this hullabaloo. Fear not, though, Hef came through and signed her up to be covergirl for Playboy. We're so proud. Whoda thought, our little girl from Parent Trap would go on to such success.And some of the extended family had a little rough go of it too.
There's ol' Uncle Mo and his goofy hats. Mohammar's always been the rambunctious one, but this year really took the cake! Nothing like a little revolution to keep the ol' blood flowing. Again, the Colonel caused us more than a few gray hairs. How? Well, you try planning a funeral for that guy! He's dead. No, wait, he's been spotted in the desert. He's dead. No, he's back in Tripoli. I don't know how many ham salad sandwiches we ended up giving away to the Mission, but it was a lot. Finally, I said, "I'm not cooking another ham until I see his bloody corpse." When I finally did, those silly rebels said they buried his body in the middle of the dessert! Go figure. So now we've got an extra burial plot if someone wants one cheap.Otherwise we've had a pretty good year:
* We taught the guinnea pig to holler "row."
* We have no Haugens on the America's Most Wanted list for the first time in seven years. Yes!
* Mother-in-law is staying out of our business as she joined the booming Occupy Mahjong movement.
Finally, thanks to all of you for the couple thousand downloads over at Smashwords.com and buying up all those copies of Joshua's Ladder.
Finally, really, may you have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
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